“Might not be lucky even though I have tried. Bad luck got in me but I will survive.”
Lyrics from a song by Langhorne Slim, ‘Bad Luck’.
It turned out that the day I posted about being brave and getting a puppy, our little pup was put down.
Yeah. What the heck?
We were shocked and upset. We’d named him and he was ours. He had a bad heart and wouldn’t have lasted long before having a heart attack so the kindest thing was to put him to sleep.
It’s a strange situation where brain and heart have a bit of a battle. Yes, he was a dog. A dog we never actually owned properly. But he was still a living thing that we chose, named Gus, and imagined having as part of our family.
I felt quite drained for the rest of Friday after finding out and found myself thinking some pretty pitiful things.
“Does death just follow me around?” Being the most ridiculous one and I’m choosing to be very transparent writing that here.
Coming up to the anniversary of my Dad’s death I was looking forward to a happy addition to our lives. But it couldn’t be straightforward, apparently!
I have recently discovered Langhorne Slim’s music, which I love. It’s easy to think when rubbish things happen that you’re cursed or have some inbuilt bad luck. As the song lyrics above seem to suggest – it gets into you and becomes part of who you are.
Some people really believe that. But I don’t. Not even a little bit. The temptation to engage those thoughts is fleeting. Truth is, everyone has their struggles. As I talked about in my previous post and have said a million times: it’s just life.
There are seasons where things are ok apart from the odd bird poop raining on your parade. Other seasons are horrendous with great steaming turds, like the huge piles of dinosaur crap in Jurassic Park, piled outside your door. Repeatedly.
Sometimes, the only thing raining down is sunshine. Or something even better, like gold bars.
Have you ever gone to your car to find it completely annihilated with bird poop? It’s actually hard to imagine how it could have been achieved it’s so completely covered in the stuff.
Well, I feel as though I’m in a season of bird poop annihilation AND gold bars. There are some truly dreadful things I’ve lived through in the past year. And a constant pain that invades every waking moment.
But then, some truly wonderful things have happened. Gold bars I may never have experienced without the crap. Are they mutually inclusive? Does that mean I should somehow be grateful for the crap?
I couldn’t be and I don’t even care. I just wish I could tell my Dad about the gold bars. They hit me hard on the way down when I remember that I can’t.
But, I agree with the lyrics that say “I will survive”. Sometimes the best thing to do when you see your poop covered car, is laugh. Find something to take joy in – always.
We are not easily defeated and will be bringing home Gus’s brother in just over a week. I will post a photo when he’s with us.