After reading a blog post about including different voices on one’s blog I decided to include Robb’s (background on Robb is in this post). He had a blog and re-reading it just now I realise how he was the first person I knew who had a blog and his writing was so engaging and I’m sure inspired me and influenced how I write, even now. I was twenty when Robb died, really young to be dealt an experience like that. Robb was 21 when he was first diagnosed with cancer, tremendously young to deal with something like that. He wrote about it so honestly and thoughtfully and I could make some comments about it, but I won’t. It is what it is. So, here is Robb’s post about Post Traumatic Stress…
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 07, 2004
Back to the beginning again.
I started this blog with the intention of sharing some of my experiences about having cancer. However I soon got bored with limiting myself and wondered onto other topics, but now I’ve been told I’m suffering from ‘Post Traumatic Stress syndrome’, so I thought this would be a good place to vent some of my fears and questions.
It’s funny cos if you’d asked my opinion about post traumatic stress about a year ago, I would have told you I thought it was all a load of rubbish made up by people to make themselves feel better about their lack of ability to cope with slightly stressful situations.
I always looked at myself as a confident, easy going, strong and able person, but this affliction has made me see how weak I really am. It’s very scary not knowing what the next thing to freak you out is going to be.
Most of the time I appear completely normal and stable, but on the inside I have a feeling like butterflies in my tummy constantly, and then about every week of two I start feeling really anxious about nothing in particular.
It’s been amazing talking to a few close friends about it, and it turns out that so SO many people suffer from this problem. These are the people who understand what it’s like, and when you talk to them they all have something really insightful to say which has helped me enormously – even if it’s just knowing that I’m not the only person who feels like they’re going slightly mad at times.
Also it’s been interesting talking to people who have never experienced anxiety or panic attacks or depression. When you tell them what you’re going through, they look at you like you’re talking Japanese. They have no way to relate, and especially in church circles will offer some stupid advise which makes you want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them repeatedly.
I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve by sharing this, but maybe I’ll be able to look back in a few years time and thank God I’m not in this situation anymore.