Happy New Year, one and all.
I feel crap.
I probably ought to do some rousing post about my hopes for the new year. Some new years resolutions… Some good intentions… Some things I’m looking forward to…. Things I want to achieve.
Maybe that will come but right now, my hopes are pretty simple…
- To not be in a perpetual state of feeling as though I have a virus. 2015 knocked my body for six and I dread to think how I would have managed if I hadn’t adopted a healthier lifestyle. But despite that healthier approach to eating I still have not been able to fight off a constant feeling of being run down. I’ve had ulcers in my mouth for about a month now that improve for a time, then get bad again kind of in line with how well I’m sleeping. It’s a bizarre state to feel completely exhausted but also jittery and wound up to the point where I can’t relax enough to sleep and am waking up super early or not falling asleep until 3am. Those days I describe myself as being ‘tired and wired’. Sounds like an oxymoron. It is pretty moronic and so I need to look after myself better.
- To keep doing my day to day roles and responsibilities. To just keep going with the normal. It’s ordinary but important stuff.
Sometimes, we just need to keep it simple. Yes, I’ve slipped with healthy eating. Yes, I want to get a bit more organised and productive with some things. Yes, I need to get on top of this and that… But what really matters?
I’ve read another couple of books this week. The Girl on the Train and The Road (anyone want to borrow?). If you’ve seen the movie of The Road you might think that’s a book that would probably make me want to take up drinking spirits, but it’s fascinatingly beautiful. It’s an apocalyptic story of a father and son travelling a road south in a world burnt, bleak and raining ash.
Mysteriously there is a beauty in the bleak, melancholic nothingness of it all. My favourite chapter is when they discover an underground bunker with food, clean clothes, beds, running water and shelter. It was powerful reading about them washing their bodies clean and putting on clean clothes and eating a proper meal. I could imagine how wonderful that experience must have been for them and it was deeply moving.
Yet these are things I experience every day and they are not a given in this world. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on what that led me to reflect on.
This year, I will survive and not only that: thrive. I am blessed incredibly despite my loss(es) and even in the bleakest of seasons, there is always beauty…
If you choose to look for it.