the whirlpool of grief

I see this…

image

….and think this…

image

Ha. Got to love Manuel.

Truth be told, there are elements that makes a whole lot of sense – cheesy ‘river of life’ opener aside.

Life coming crashing down in a moment… Check.

Going round and round the same miserable feelings of pain, anxiety, sadness, anger… Check.

Feeling somewhat adrift and ‘stuck’; how could this change, I don’t want it to change… Check.

If the fall down the waterfall that they have linked to shock, numbness and denial lasts seven months plus, then… Check.

As I was showing my kids videos of their grandad yesterday, just… disbelief. As I saw his handwriting today… Can’t believe it (literally shaking my head). As I read text messages from him… This just can’t be.

Still falling a looooong way down, it seems.

How?? Why??

I miss him. I realised afresh the other day why you don’t just ‘get over it’. Each new part of life that can’t be shared; each breakthrough, each hardship, each joke, each achievement, each funny thing a child does or says, each new experience, each new friend, each disappointment… Can’t be shared with him. But they keep on coming and always will. So there will always be pain.

We just learn to accept it.

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4 comments

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  1. Ruth

    Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing đŸ’—

    Like

  2. rachfox15

    Thanks for sharing. The pain is deep and real, when you think you’re walking again another wave comes crashing down and the cycle starts again. New opportunities, new decisions are just painful as you don’t have your encourager there spurring you on. Fathers. X

    Like

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