Sometimes I just want to have a great big whinge. There, I said it. I heard a writer in a podcast this week (that I listened to whilst in bed, quietly moaning to myself due to aches and pains in my legs and back), talking about an article that was written that received loads of criticism because really it was a serious case of sour grapes and making an argument for something that was, well, just ridiculous. Anyway, the writer said it represents a present-day issue we face – the tryranny of having to have an opinion all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever been in, accidentally initiated, witnessed or been embarrassed by so many debates and arguments since social media stormed into our lives. Sometimes I approach my blog in this way feeling as if I need to have something to say… Hmm… Maybe I should “review” that film/book?… What “blog-worthy” topics can I write about?
I do write about what I want to and have felt my blog posts are honest and real but sometimes I can feel a little bit bound up by a need to write about something interesting. I read this week about how you almost have to see creativity as completely unimportant to be the most productive in it. Who cares what you produce, Jeni? It is an interesting concept when you think about it: when you are being creative you are doing something that no one has asked you to do. Unless you get paid for it of course, but most don’t start out that way. So in order to be productive you have to keep telling yourself, it doesn’t matter if it’s good, it isn’t for anyone else, just do it because you want to.
So, I’m trying not to overthink this one. This week has been a kick-you-in-the-nuts-when-you’ve-already-been-kicked-in-the-nuts-26-times kind of week. Me and my Dad used to watch The Fast Show and there was this sketch with a scruffy Yorkshire farmer who would come out of a shed and announce, “this season, i’arl be mostly wearing… Blue court shoes”, or some such other antithesis and then plod back into his shed. On one he announces he will be mostly holding his breath until he faints, then goes back into his shed and after 30 seconds you hear the thud of him supposedly hitting the floor. Anyway, one we thought was especially hilarious was “this season i’arl be mostly infected with (looks at piece of paper in pocket)… Dia-horea-hi!”
Change season to week and you have a clue as to why my week was rather grim. But it all started with a vomiting three year old, then a vomiting 20 month old. I thought child one was bad enough but child two would PUSH THE BOWL AWAY. We sat her on a giant muslin on the sofa and were poised ready with a large bowl, when the chunder came forth we’d put the bowl under her chin and she’d push it away and turn her head to the side. NO sick went in the bowl. NO sick went on the muslin. The entire lot went on my sofa. I felt like I was living in a cess pit of vomit at one stage. We went through every sheet and blanket to get child one through vomit-night. Washing, washing, washing. Then I went down with it. I couldn’t believe the aches and pains I had even after other symptoms stopped. I’m still not 100% normal and to be honest I’ve felt rather grumpy about it. I had to cancel something I had cancelled two weeks previously due to being ill then as well. Adding to my already growing suspicion that I was averaging 7-14 days of feeling well before the next thing hit and made me feel ill yet again. I have cysts behind my ears (sounds gross but basically just a lump that decides to appear and then a while later decides to go, it seems) and a mole that needs to be removed. It’s a precaution I’m thankful for but at this time in my life, skin cancer awareness leaflets thrust at me will not be well-received.
It got me thinking about the connection between physical and emotional well-being. My body is suffering physically from what I’ve experienced emotionally this past year. A friend who lives abroad specifically asked me this week how I was doing with my grief. I said:
I feel I’ve barely scratched the surface.
My immunity is weak, I can’t fight things off so well and feel generally battered. It seems so incredibly unhelpful. I’m emotionally suffering so could really do without the physical, ta very much. But then it works the other way for our good: did you know expressing love for another person reduces cholesterol? Laughing can reduce risk of heart attack, crying releases stress hormones, exercising releases pent up tension, and most interestingly, feelings of gratitude boost immunity, lower blood pressure and speed healing.
But sometimes, I JUST WANT TO WHINGE. Well, that’s kind of important too. Offload, and then find things to be thankful for.
And… Laugh! “This season…. ”