an unexpected comforter

He wrapped his arms around me and I felt that pure, simple, heavenly love. As I lay there, cuddling my son to sleep, soaking in the tender moment, I thought of him and how he would take such joy in seeing or hearing of this special time. I felt how much I miss him. In an instant I could vividly see him, hear his voice, imagine him being, but it felt so distant. It seems as though it is such a long time since he was in my present.

He slid one arm under my neck and pulled me close. I wept silently and as my tears squeezed their way in-between our pressed together cheeks he pulled away and looked down at me, as a comforter often does when they feel silent tears cooling their skin. He smiled and just pulled me close again, rubbing my shoulder with his thumb. Then, he turned to face me, our faces conjoined as he drifted to sleep in secure contentment. As he enjoyed the embrace of his parent, I longed for mine. As he smiled and savoured my presence, I felt the pain of absence.

But as he enveloped my neck with his arms, like jewellery, and loved me, I felt a gift of peace.


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  1. Ruth

    I was notified of this post just after I snuck into C’s bed for the first time ever… So afraid I’d wake her… But I didn’t (maybe I’ll do it again some time). The comfort & peace you describe is magical. The title of your blog made me chuckle as when I lay there I thought about you & you saying in previous conversations about sneaking into B’s bed. There is nothing like the love of a child for their Mummy. It’s overwhelming, joyful and unconditional.

    Love surrounds you Jeni. And your writing is beautiful xx


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