dad – I have special people and the happiness will come

Well Jeni I haven’t said much on your blog eh so maybe its about time the old boy came out with something profound.

When you first rang with the news Robb’s cancer had returned, in a millisecond I had to react the right way. I unhelpfully cried out in anguish and burst into tears before gathering myself to speak with some cohesion. At that point I knew my little girl was possibly about to embark on the most difficult of journeys. I felt so helpless as this time. Dad, who does like a bit of control, had not walked this way himself, nor had he prepared you to either in all of the long and boring speeches he had given about life and choices! So it was an unkown journey and our main priority became supporting you in any way we could.

So you know, it has been our privelige (damn can’t spell this word) and at no time has it been anything else walking this journey with you. Do you know something else Jen, we have all learnt from you in the way you have conducted yourself, made very difficult decisions and looked out for others taking into account their feelings too. Any one of the decisions you have had to make in the last 4 months would have been enough for many.

It was never my intention that my daughter should be planning the funeral of her partner at 20 but sitting with you as you did, whether in the funeral parlour or with Robbs family, simply left me speechless (which I know you quite like). At these times I saw the depth of character in you and the elements of your personality that make you so special.

It has not been an easy journey eh? It still has many stages to go through but I can see Robb has left a very special mark on you that will always be with you one way or another. I can assure you he will always be with us all, your family, who shared his life, illness, his suffering and who all miss him so much.

I could write forever about my hopes and dreams for you and your future but in reality they remain as they always have been, that your journey through life will be rich in happiness and always connected with special people. You have had a fair measure of that – well you are my daughter!(The old special people gag eh?) You have had such special times with Robb and others and you have always laughed a lot so you have had a fair share of happiness! Now you have experienced losing Robb my hopes are that your capcity to be happy returns, that you always are connected to special people and that you continue to live the life given to you with hope and anticipation.

When I never thought it could, my love for you has grown deeper and despite the rare ocassion when you have been short with me in the last 4 months (274 times to date)it has not dampened that one bit.

Hey, as we always say to each other — have a good day!

I love you,

Dad

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