Reading my blog from my first experience of grief and finding anxiety I had forgotten about. I have said in a previous post about needing Dad to help me through this, well, I’m glad I have some of his wisdom and loving support recorded…
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Dear me. I didn’t see this coming. I feel terrible! I have bad anxiety at the moment, two nights ago I was in a meeting and my heart was pounding, I felt like you do when you are really nervous but it was stronger then normal and would not go away, i thought i was going to go crazy, it felt awful and i didn’t know what to do to make it go. Just tried praying really, that’s all i felt i could do. I was really unsociable at this meeting which was a shame but i was overwhelmed by this feeling. My back hurts my chest aches, and I can’t tense my muscles for too long because then i get that restless feeling when you wanna stretch, usually because you’ve been sitting in the back of the car for too long when your tired. I’ve not worked much in the last couple of days, the thought of going out makes me feel tired and drained.
My dad explained to me that the reason i was feeling like this was because I had been under lots of emotional strain and it had got too much and was coming out as this bad anxiety. He also said that it would heal, like a strained muscle, hearing that made me feel better. Dad told me as well about this lady he knows who had four friends die in a car accident when she was a young adult, and the first anniversary hit her like a cement wall and she felt awful and wasn’t expecting it…like me. So that made me feel reassured too.
I think i had been repressing some of what i was feeling too, always feeling like i needed to hold in any emotion, especially when i was with people, which is not healthy!
I feel quite jittery and i can’t focus and i feel not well, headachey and groggy. But it’s ok. I managed to go to work for a bit today. I just know this isn’t the most difficult part of the month yet, can’t wait for the new year.
Well i obviously need my blog again…
Posted by jeni cottrell at 5:04 PM
It will probably get worse before it gets better Jeni, but it will get better. You are a very strong young lady, you have coped with all of this
so well. Robb would be really proud of you. You are bound to feel bad as the anniversary gets nearer but you will get through it and will be a much better person for having had that experience. I am sure God will be with you and will help you like he helped Robb. I will be thinking of you. Take care. Lots of Love Pauline
I wish i had something helpful to say Jeni. You’ve been on mind recently and i will be thinking of you and praying for you especially these next weeks. I hate anxiety and pray God fills your whole heart and mind and body with His peace and gentle presence. Lots of love, xx
Like it when I have helped!!